3 AM

It's 3 am and I can't go back to sleep after 4 solid hours of slumber so I am trying to wear my self out so that I'll get another 2 hours or so, or until it's time that I can take another pain pill which usually will also put me back into slumber.

I've emptied the dishwasher, straightened a shelf in the kitchen, and now I'm blogging. I am not whining; I am just sharing some observations. I had never had an operation before or any serious illness, very lucky I know. But on the other hand, I was not in the best of physical condition, not exercising much especially the last 5 years as my knees became worse and worse. I didn't realize how bad it had become until I rejoined Weight Watchers and found that although following the plan was very helpful and I was losing weight, I was losing it very slowly because I couldn't find an excercise that I could do or a gym that I could go to.

Now after the surgery, I am paying the price as my rehabbing is going very slowly as well. The important muscles are not in shape and so I'm having trouble getting the leg straight when it needs to be straight and bent when it needs to be bent. At night I wake with muscle pains in my operated on leg because my muscles are so out of shape. The surgery itself had something to do with it.

My point is, how do people stand this over and over -- like Joe with multiple heart attacks, my mom with her multiple sclerosis, other friends who have chronic diseases. I know now that I was never sympathetic enough with my mom -- she was a very brave lady who put up with a huge amount of pain her entire adult life. And although I think "tough love" is still the way to go with Joe, I have far more empathy for him now.

It's almost time for a pain pill and the passive exercise machine; both of which will guarantee another two hours sleep. No whining, just thinking.