Power Naps!

I think the solution to all mankind's problems is that most of us are cranky from lack of sleep. I'll bet those people in countries which have planned siestas are much nicer to each other. Being a caffeine junky, I tried adding extra cups of coffee or iced tea in the afternoon, but it seems to have no effect on the mid afternoon droop and just makes it difficult to sleep at night.

If I could figure out a way to take a 15 minute to half hour nap about two o'clock in the afternoon, I would feel much better about everything. Of course, there's no room in my 400-square-foot shop to lie down, let alone nap, but I keep trying to figure it out. I am too old to put my head down on the table and rest (shades of grammar school in the 1950's), and not one more piece of furniture or equipment could fit in. I thought about a folding chaise lounge, but even folded up, it would be in the way. I suppose I could keep it in my van, and drag it in and out but that starts to seem ridiculous. I guess it depends on how desparate I am for that fifteen minutes of eyes closed.

I'm aware that if I do this, I will start to get phone calls and customer drop in's during that time. That could be embarassing--but maybe worth it. I am going to give it some serious thought, this afternoon, with my eyes closed--about 2 pm --don't call.

It's time.

Summer is ending and I feel as though I've accomplished nothing. I have many excuses - Joe's illness, my having to drive to Columbus for 3 weeks back and forth and then to Newark for two more, all his doctor appointments, etc. However, it's not really any one's fault but my own. I have had time to do most of the things that were on my to do list at the beginning of summer, but this lethargy just keeps eating away at me. Lots of good things going on now, including Joe's continuing recuperation, so it's time to just get in gear and do things! This pep talk didn't do any good last month, but I am hoping I will take it to heart now. It's time!

Just An Update!

Technology is not always my friend! The Gammil is up and running but the computer is down. The computer is working but the modem died. It's somewhat of a vicious cycle. As of right this moment, everything in my studio is working. It's a little scary wondering what will happen next.

I am currently working hard to quilt my own quilts for the Heart of Ohio Guild show in October as well as the customer quilts that have accumulated while Joe was recuperating. He is doing better but still not driving or back to regular activity. It amazes me how much longer it takes me to get out of the house in the morning just to get everything done before I leave. I literally changed my opening hours from 9:30 to 10 am because I couldn't get here on time. He is working hard on rehab and doing his share when he can.

It's always fun to quilt my own quilts. The first one done is "NQA BOM 2008 with the BFG's"--that stands for the National Quilt Association Block of the Month 2008 with the Bodacious Fabric Goddesses, my quilting friends who meet once a month at the shop. It's very bright and I used a variegated thread and did a simple meander. I found an amazing wild fabric to put on the back with all the bright colors from the quilt itself. When I went on the local shop hop, my goal was to find backings for three of the five quilts I am trying to get done. I found a great black and white print for my black and red mystery, a black with gold for my angel wallhanging, and the wild one for the BOM. For my trip around the world, I already have a varied gray backing, and have a SewBatik red for the 30's quilt sampler. You may have noticed a red and black theme -- it's definitely my colors.

Now to the binding! Every quilt I am doing for the show needs black binding. So I bought several yards of Kona black solid and am making yards of binding. I am hoping to finish them all by hand but the last one may end up getting finished by machine the night before the quilts are due. Hmm, back to work or I will be doing that for sure.

Justice

Recently a couple of off-duty cops were caught riding their motorcycles on I-70 at 150 mph and one was fined $300. I was drifting along on an empty stretch of Rte. 79 coming into Heath, Ohio, at 46 mph in a 35 mile section and my fine is $100. Also I was caught by the cameras that Heath has installed all along Rte. 79, it's main stretch of restaurants and businesses. I guess Heath is really needing money so they have created a speed trap. Apparently I didn't speed at all the month before when Heath was just sending out warnings, but waited to accelerate when the actual tickets would be issued. Since this ticket was dated July 1st, I'll bet I could get a few more when I was just going witht he flow of traffic.
I will not be driving Rte 79 anymore and maybe that's childish of me but really -$100--That's outrageous!

Sigh...

It has been almost three weeks since I have used my Gammil quilting machine --Just when I have time to get to the shop and quilt, it's in for repairs. During most of Joe's hospital stay, I worked on one custom quilt that I put on the day before he went in and took off when he was transferred to a nursing home in Newark. The next quilt never went on due to timing issues with stitching.

I have been keeping busy with other projects -- finished 30 year old blocks into a quilt for a customer, am putting the binding on another client's quilt, and have done a few things of my own.

But I am lusting to be quilting. There are times when quilting with my longarm becomes tedious, but after all, I have been doing this for 11 years. I have changed my style many times over and still enjoy many aspects of this creative job. A client sent me a note thanking me for quilting her top and saying that I put a lot of myself into every quilt. I think she's right in that those freehand quilts are my favorite. Still, even putting on an overall pantograph that complements the style of a top is satisfying.

I am hoping I will soon get a phone call saying my Gammil is ready to come home!

Self-Healing

Every now and then, I have found that things fix themselves. All my worries about my husband's homecoming disappeared because when I visited him that day, he told me all about his morning activities and the problem was solved. He self-healed. That was really nice of him.

I find that machines even do it. Reboot the computer and it self-heals. Turn the sewing machine off and then on 30 seconds later and it self-heals. It would be great if everything worked that way but I just accept those mini-miracles and enjoy them.

So Joe comes home on Monday and we begin the recuperative dance of my not wanting to wait on him too much and his not wanting to do anything if he's not forced to. In 4 weeks he'll go to rehab at the hospital and that will help to get him back into activities. Meanwhile, I am planning breakfast and lunch menus which normally I don't because I figure if I cook dinner, that's good enough. I have been teasing him about how spoiled he is that a tray magically shows up at his bedside with a cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I will spoil him myself for a SHORT period of time, but then he'll have to start pouring Cheerios out of a box for breakfast and microwaving a frozen dinner for lunch. I realize how lucky we are and hope the self-healing continues.

In My Head

I spend a lot of time talking to myself about things that I need to deal with before I deal with them. It's practice, I think, so that when I do interact with the actual people, perhaps I won't be as angry or emotional because I have worked some of it out.

Right now as I work on embroidery blocks for a customer, I am having conversations with my husband and his caregivers. Joe has been in hospital for three weeks and now a nursing home for two. That's why I haven't written.

He is doing amazingly well and has recovered from a massive heart attack which would have killed him had he been in any hospital but OSU's Ross Heart Hospital. His care at Flint Ridge Nursing Home is also excellent! But he's not doing something that, in my opinion, is essential to acc0mplish before he comes home and they want to send him home in four days.

This is the sixth major episode in Joe's life that has required me to become his caregiver. By now, one would think, he would realize I don't do it well. The innate compassion for the sick that most nurses and patient care professionals have lasts in me about 15 minutes and then, once I know he will survive, I am like "Get over it and let's move on." Except for giving birth twice, I have never been in the hospital and never been seriously ill ever. I know I don't understand how he feels after these very painful and difficult episodes; he doesn't understand my feelings either. His two daughters and I are the ones who have sat in waiting room after waiting room, knowing he might not make it, knowing that he is so ill that the doctors have prepared us for the worst. And he survives each time, but each time it's harder as we are sure his body can't take much more, over and over again. Once life is certain; I think he should be amazingly grateful and ready to do whatever physical and occupational therapies that will get him back to his previous state. He wants to whine and not have to do anything but lie in bed while waited upon by cheerful nurses and aides.

Flint Ridge has provided amazing care, great therapy, really good food, a pleasant atmosphere, and I can't do that. I am not going to tell you what he's not doing, but I guarantee if he comes home without that skill, his life will be miserable. Matter of fact, I may not pick him up unless I know he can do it. I wonder how long they would let him sit in a wheel chair in the lobby waiting for me. (OK, anyone who knows me knows I am delighted he is well enough to come home and has once again been resilient enough to survive. I'll pick him up whenever they say. I just won't necessarily be happy about it.)

I think the resentment I feel about becoming his caregiver again is normal, and I'll deal with it -- without taking it out on him. My father has always been one of my heroes, but now I admire him even more for taking care of my mom who had M.S. and was bedridden for her last 5 years.
Mom and Dad are both gone now. I wish I could share war stories with Dad and let him know how much I understand his sacrifice.

I closed the shop for three weeks while he was at Ross Heart Hospital; now I close at noon and visit with him while he eats his lunch, return to the shop at 2 and stay open until 4, then go back to check on him before heading home. Today, I will deal out loud with the issue in my head. Wish me luck!